Raising leaders in diapers

As a parent, I am also:

* A nurse, administering paediatric painkillers and wiping noses...
* A counsellor, because kids need plenty of psychologising
* A playmate
* A chef
* A cleaner
* A chauffeur
* A teacher
* A handmaiden...

But I had never thought of myself as a leader.

Yet as my husband pointed out after the latest round of Wits Business School classes he attended, we learn about leadership from our parents. That, depending on our parenting, we are either raising the future presidents. or a pair of nincompoops (no pressure, right!?)

So the question is, what kind of leader am I?

Hubby thinks I often take the role of authoritarian leader, keeping the kiddos in line and on task (and this is especially true, he says, when I'm under stress).

Hubby believes the best leadership approach is a psychodynamic one. In this model, the leader sees every follower as an individual, with a distinct personality (i.e. the way she thinks, acts and feels, her tendencies, etc). And so the leader uses a range of different leadership styles, alternating his style depending on the follower and the situation. That way, the leader is always able to lead effectively, no matter how perplexing the situation (tantrum) or how stubborn the follower (two-year old).

The next question then, is: Do I have the chops to be that kind of leader?

Do I understand the relationship I have with each of my children, to see each kiddo's personality and the kind of leadership that she responds to in any range of scenarios?

Am I self-aware enough to identify when I am subconsciously resorting to type, to break the pattern and instead apply a different (more effective or positive) approach?

Am I mature enough to step beyond myself, into this sort of self reflective state of parenting?

I can't say yes, or no. Every night, when I've checked on my sleeping princesses, and I'm climbing into bed, I reflect on my day. I go over the parenting failures, the successes and the small victories, so I can learn from the experiences and be a better parent tomorrow.

Since hubby brought home this new concept of parenting (i.e. parents are also leaders), I've been examining my own leadership style more closely. And trying to become the leader/mom whose kids will grow up to become great women in their own right.

Of course, I'm terrified I'll fail. Because failure is almost inevitable. But I think I have to find the courage to go there, to fail, to get up and try again. For the next 30 years (and beyond. Parents parent forever).

Combating kid ninja mind tricks

I stared at the little piece of blank paper in my hand, searching my mind for something meaningful and witty and smart to write. But I had no kids of my own. So how was I going to come up with any parenting advice that would be believable?

Bribery is a perfectly acceptable form of parenting, I wrote, before adding my little bit of paper to the pile of papers intended for my pregnant friend.

Fast forward eight months, and there I was, holding my own baby girl, feeling like mother nature herself.

And I had no idea just how colourfully my world was going to explode into a million bits of “What the f*** am I supposed to do now?”. Starting with breastfeeding. Because no matter how many books you’ve read and dolls you’ve cuddled in your prenatal classes, the real deal is tough. Like, ugly-cry tough.

But I digress.

The parenting advice I had so smart-ass-ly come up with during baby shower games, has turned out to be pretty good advice. Because today, my little baby girl, SV, is almost three years old (and she’s a big sister too, just FYI). And I’ve become a master briber. There’s almost nothing she wouldn’t do, just to get her hands on a bit of chocolate or *gasp* a cupcake.

And yes, I know I should feel really bad about bribing my kid. But she shamelessly uses kid-ninja mind tricks on me, to get her way. And something’s gotta give…  right?